Abbott and Costello Meet Windows 95

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Meet Windows 95
By Author Unknown

COSTELLO Hey, Abbott!

ABBOTT Yes, Lou?

COSTELLO I just got my first computer.

ABBOTT That's great Lou. What did you get?

COSTELLO A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24x CD-ROM.

ABBOTT That's terrific, Lou.

COSTELLO But I don't know what any of it means!!

ABBOTT You will in time.

COSTELLO That's exactly why I am here to see you.

ABBOTT Oh?

COSTELLO I heard that you are a real computer expert.

ABBOTT Well, I don't know-

COSTELLO Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

ABBOTT Really?

COSTELLO Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

ABBOTT OK Lou. What do want to know?

COSTELLO I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

ABBOTT That's true.

COSTELLO So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

ABBOTT Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

COSTELLO No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

ABBOTT I know, you press the Start button-

COSTELLO Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

ABBOTT I did.

COSTELLO When?

ABBOTT When I told you to press the Start button.

COSTELLO Why should I press the Start button?

ABBOTT To shut off the computer.

COSTELLO I press Start to stop.

ABBOTT Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

COSTELLO I knew it! So what do I press?

ABBOTT Start.

COSTELLO Start what?

ABBOTT Start button.

COSTELLO Start button to do what?

ABBOTT Shut down.

COSTELLO You don't have to get rude!

ABBOTT No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

COSTELLO Then say what you mean.

ABBOTT To shut down the computer, press-

COSTELLO Don't say, "Start!"

ABBOTT Then what do you want me to say?

COSTELLO Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

ABBOTT But that's what you do.

COSTELLO And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

ABBOTT Don't be ridiculous.

COSTELLO I'm being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.

ABBOTT What are you talking about?

COSTELLO I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

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This page originally posted on Saturday 08-Apr-2017

This web page, this web site, the information presented in and on its pages and in these modifications and conversions is © Copyrighted 1995 and (date of last update) by Kevin Custer W3KKC and multiple originating authors. All Rights Reserved, including that of paper and web publication elsewhere.

COSTELLO	Hey, Abbott!
ABBOTT	Yes, Lou?
COSTELLO	I just got my first computer.
ABBOTT	That's great Lou. What did you get?
COSTELLO	A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24x CD-ROM.
ABBOTT	That's terrific, Lou.
COSTELLO	But I don't know what any of it means!!
ABBOTT	You will in time.
COSTELLO	That's exactly why I am here to see you.
ABBOTT	Oh?
COSTELLO	I heard that you are a real computer expert.
ABBOTT	Well, I don't know-
COSTELLO	Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
ABBOTT	Really?
COSTELLO	Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
ABBOTT	OK Lou. What do want to know?
COSTELLO	I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
ABBOTT	That's true.
COSTELLO	So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
ABBOTT	Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
COSTELLO	No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
ABBOTT	I know, you press the Start button-
COSTELLO	Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
ABBOTT	I did.
COSTELLO	When?
ABBOTT	When I told you to press the Start button.
COSTELLO	Why should I press the Start button?
ABBOTT	To shut off the computer.
COSTELLO	I press Start to stop.
ABBOTT	Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
COSTELLO	I knew it! So what do I press?
ABBOTT	Start.
COSTELLO	Start what?
ABBOTT	Start button.
COSTELLO	Start button to do what?
ABBOTT	Shut down.
COSTELLO	You don't have to get rude!
ABBOTT	No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
COSTELLO	Then say what you mean.
ABBOTT	To shut down the computer, press-
COSTELLO	Don't say, "Start!"
ABBOTT	Then what do you want me to say?
COSTELLO	Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
ABBOTT	But that's what you do.
COSTELLO	And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
ABBOTT	Don't be ridiculous.
COSTELLO	I'm being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
ABBOTT	What are you talking about?
COSTELLO	I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.